Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ)
We’re often told parenting is one of the most rewarding things we’ll ever do. But as many parents will attest, it is also full of very difficult moments. And sometimes these moments seem almost constant.
While it can feel taboo to say it out loud (“I’m not enjoying being a parent”), a glance at online parenting forums will show you, parents can feel it at many different times in their child’s lives. From the sleeplessness of newborns, to toddler tantrums, disobedient kids and grumpy teens.
What does the research say about this? And what can you do when you’re finding it really tough?
How common is this feeling?
Feeling stretched is a normal part of raising children. Many parents report finding parenting harder than they had imagined, with some not enjoying parts, or even all, of the parenting journey.
Research indicates roughly 5-14% of parents regret they had children, with up to 29% reporting they regret parenthood sometimes.
Much of this feeling appears to come down to regretting the circumstances around having children, such as making sacrifices, choice of partner, or the number of children. It is not necessarily about regretting the child themselves.
Why it happens?
Stress and exhaustion are extremely common experiences for parents. A 2025 survey of 10,000 Australian parents of children aged 0-18 years found almost half reported tiredness got in the way of them being the parent they wanted to be.
These feelings can be heightened during different stages of parenting. For example, two thirds of Australian mothers report experiencing high levels of fatigue during the early parenting period, and research suggests that fatigue is also common among fathers during this time.
Higher rates of stress are also reported among parents of children with disability or chronic health conditions.
Beyond sleep deprivation, having little time to yourself, losing your sense of who you are outside of parenting, isolation, the mental load, and financial stress can also hamper enjoyment of parenting.
Parenting is not perfect
Unrealistic expectations can play a part too.
Social media often presents an idealised view of parenting, filled with happy children, patient parents and spotless homes. Comparing our own experiences with these portrayals can leave us feeling unsatisfied with our family life and that we aren’t good enough parents.
Support also matters enormously. The so-called “village” isn’t a reality for many families, particularly those who live far from extended family or whose families can’t offer practical or emotional help.
Is it OK not to enjoy it?
Enjoying parenting and loving your child are very different things. Not enjoying a particular stage of parenting (like newborn sleep deprivation, or sibling arguments) says nothing about how much you love your child or how good of a parent that you are.
It’s also OK not to love, or even like every part of parenting. For example, making school lunches every day. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love your children.
What can I do if I am not enjoying parenting?
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Name it. Saying “I’m not enjoying this right now” to a partner, friend or health professional can ease the shame and remind you you’re not alone.
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Set realistic expectations. Aim for “good enough” rather than perfect. Notice which expectations are really yours and which come from social media or other people. Let go of what you can.
Read more:
Parents make mistakes. So what does ‘good enough parenting’ look like?
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Look for small moments of connection. You don’t need to enjoy every activity. Find one or two things you do enjoy doing with your child. A bedtime story, a walk, a meal, a shared hobby or TV program you like to enjoy together.
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Share the load and take time for yourself. Be specific about what you need from your partner, family or friends. Even short breaks where you’re fully off duty can help.
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Look after the basics. Try and make sure you get sleep, movement, food, and time for the things that remind you of who you are outside of parenting.
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Remember it’s a stage. Children change quickly, and so does what parenting asks of you. Many parents find their enjoyment returns as their children grow and become more independent.
When it’s more than a rough patch?
For most parents, not enjoying parenting is normal and passes. It can come and go across days, weeks or even years.
But when these feelings settle in and intensify, they may signal parental burnout or depression or anxiety. Signs to look out for include:
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feeling exhausted by parenting most of the time, even after rest
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feeling emotionally distant or detached from your children
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no longer getting any pleasure or meaning from being a parent
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ongoing irritability, or fantasising about escaping
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feeling low, anxious or hopeless most days
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finding it hard to respond to, play with or care for your children.
If this sounds like you, talk to your GP, maternal and child health nurse, or a psychologist.
If you’re not enjoying parenting right now, you’re not alone and it doesn’t mean you’re failing as a parent. Children don’t need parents who love every minute of parenting. They need parents who keep showing up, and who get support when they need it.
If this article has raised issues for you, you can contact:
PANDA (1300 726 306) who support the mental health of parents and families during pregnancy and their first year of parenthood; the Pregnancy, Birth and Baby Helpline (1800 882 436); Lifelife (13 11 14); 13YARN for Indigenous Australians (139 276); or
Beyond Blue (1300 224 636).
The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.
Original source: https://analysis1.mil-osi.com/2026/10/20/not-enjoying-being-a-parent-youre-not-alone-heres-how-to-handle-this-complicated-feeling/