Source: The Conversation – UK
Intimate partner abuse occurs between two distinct parties: the victim and the perpetrator. But the harm done can be much more complicated than this. It often spills over to affect families, friends and many others in the victim’s life.
Within the traditional criminal justice system in the UK and beyond, this concept of two distinct parties is referred to as the “victim-perpetrator dichotomy”. The majority of research on intimate partner abuse focuses on the primary victims of harm – the person who is suffering at the hands of their partner or spouse. Many of these primary victims will seek support from family and friends.
These “informal supporters” can also include colleagues and neighbours. And given that intimate partner abuse affects one in four women in England and Wales (one in six men), it is reasonable to assume that millions of people are supporting relatives, friends or acquaintances through these experiences.
Despite this, research on the “co-victims” of intimate partner abuse is limited, and this is even scarcer in cases that involve homicide. My research examines co-victims of intimate partner homicide – the people who have been bereaved by the killing. For every person who is killed by their intimate partner, around six to ten family members are likely to be affected by the death.
Needless to say, losing a loved one to a violent unexplained death is incredibly difficult to process. The tragic events can also come with major life changes, such as unexpected childcaring responsibilities when the victim was a parent.
What affected families say
My research focused on intimate partner homicide in England and Wales. Bereaved families have shared their stories of how the harms of the perpetrator can “overspill” and create further victims. This can be understood through the lens of coercive control, a well-established framework for understanding, identifying, evidencing and prosecuting both intimate partner abuse and homicide.
It is made up of four elements – the possibility of physical violence, intimidation, isolation and control. I found that intimidation tactics can spill over into families of victims long before the primary victim is killed by the perpetrator.
These family members experience coercive control often at the same time as their loved one suffers it, and as such become victims of the same perpetrator. This can result in similar harms as the primary victim experiences, but may have a different outcome. In their case it could, for example, manifest in family tension rather than a physical attack.
How co-victimisation works
As an academic who specialises in violence against women and girls, I interviewed eight families bereaved by intimate partner homicide to find out how intimidation tactics worked.
Shena* whose daughter and first grandchild were killed in 2013, spoke of being victimised while supporting her daughter through an abusive relationship. She experienced death threats, threats of rape and was stalked by the perpetrator while he was also abusing her daughter.
He told Jamielee* that he was going to rape me and put me in hospital … she’d be watching him switch off my life support.
In another example, Tam* and his daughter Sandy* experienced online gaslighting after the disappearance of Tam’s other daughter in 2013. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that makes the victim or co-victim question their own reality.
In a bid to reinforce his alibi, the perpetrator (an acquaintance) deceived Tam and Sandy into believing they were communicating with their missing loved one. Sandy contacted the perpetrator after her sister’s disappearance, but he lied about her whereabouts and even agreed to help the family to find her.
But Sandy contacted him … on Facebook and he sent a message back, saying: ‘Oh I don’t know where she is, I had gone to bed. I was ill last night so I went to bed’ … He knew what was going to happen … he even put the rider in it to say, ‘I’ll get in touch with everybody I can to try and find out where she is’.
These examples show that the intimidation element of coercive control can be used against co-victims of intimate partner homicide in the period before their loved one is killed.
These co-victims – whether parents, siblings, friends or co-workers – fight to protect their loved one by arguing back and showing the perpetrator that his behaviour is not tolerated. However, there is a high chance that they could also put themselves in harm’s way simply by challenging the perpetrator’s behaviour and standing up for the victim.
Co-victims’ experiences should be treated as legitimate and credible in their own right. After all, they are not solely witnesses to primary victims’ experiences.
Doing so would provide a fuller understanding of coercive control, capture the wider impact of intimate partner homicide and generate more effective recommendations for prevention and support. This could improve criminal justice training on recognising and responding to the harm that co-victims experience.
*Names have been changed.
Morag Kennedy does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.
Original source: https://analysis1.mil-osi.com/2026/11/05/domestic-abusers-dont-always-stop-in-the-home-partners-friends-and-family-can-become-victims-too/