Source: The Conversation – Canada
“One way or another, we are living the stories planted knowingly or unknowingly in us early in life, the stories that give our lives meaning.” – Ben Okri, A Way of Being Free
Our identities are dynamic and complex constructs. They are fluid and continually negotiated through our lived experiences and our relationships. Identity is also anchored in stories: we are shaped by the stories we live in and live by.
For instance, as a child, my three names Olabisi, Abike and Oluwaremilekun communicated deep cultural and emotional significance. These names continue to reflect blessings, cherished presence and ancestral continuity. These names are not mere labels but narrative anchors that shape my sense of self and my relationship with others.
As a narrative inquirer, I have explored my multiple identities as a doctoral student, a nurse, a mother, a daughter, a granddaughter, an instructor, an immigrant and a Black woman. I have also reflected on how my Yoruba heritage and my grandmother’s teachings laid the foundation for my formal education and career as a teacher.
As a professor now, I realize how my relationship with my grandmother also shapes my world view. She helped me learn that optimal learning flourishes in environments of support, empathy, courage and moral instruction.
In this way, I looked at how identities are nested within cultural, familial and institutional narratives. These identities, while being deeply enriching, sometimes generated internal tensions.
As I reflected on my own stories and analyzed them for patterns, I began to inquire into the stories and experiences of other international nursing students.
My exploration unpacked a persistent gap between institutional equity, diversity and inclusion (EDI) commitments and the lived realities of Canadian higher education. International students have diverse social, historical, political, cultural and educational backgrounds that shape their complex identity negotiations. My findings indicate that international students face significant challenges as they navigate these intersecting identities.
My inquiry reflected existing research that outlines the experiences of international graduate nursing students, including systemic racism, marginalization and structural barriers, particularly for students of colour.
Our relationships also shape us
Identity scholars argue that the construction of identity is not a solitary endeavour but is co-authored in dialogue with others who affirm, challenge or reshape our self-understanding.
Education scholars Carol Witherell and Nel Noddings further expand on this idea. The stories we tell about ourselves shape the meaning and texture of our lives. These stories are also the glue that “attach us to others and to our own histories by providing a tapestry rich with threads of time, place, character and offer advice on what we might do with our lives.”
In Canada, I encountered cultural dissonance. My culture was incompatible with inclusion, based on “having a strong accent,” and the challenge of navigating unfamiliar academic norms.
Despite these setbacks, I resisted being labelled as deficient.
I confronted the intimidation and tensions of difference, I reclaimed my voice and began to participate in academic discourse. I learned to honour my accent and worldview and to reject deficit narratives.
I embraced my identity and the knowledge that I brought from my lived experiences. Through reflection and resilience, I began to rewrite the story of who I was as a learner.
About becoming
My autobiographical account has been a journey of reclaiming my narrative of “resisting a singular story” and embracing the complexity of lived experiences.
I have come to understand that learning is not merely about acquiring knowledge but about becoming oneself. It may mean crossing borders, challenging norms and composing new stories of possibility.
The cross-border experiences that I explored helped to reveal the complexities within educational systems and the resilience that is required to navigate them.
My interwoven stories, which come from the significant landscapes of two worlds, shaped both who I have been and who I was becoming. I began to unpack my stories, including being born into the Yoruba culture in the western region of Nigeria where my learning began at birth.
I also nested my stories in the Canadian landscape where I undertook graduate education and which I now call home.
Formal education introduced me to institutional narratives marked by strict discipline, rigid structures and standardized measures of success. These experiences shaped my understanding of how educational systems can both empower and exclude.
While my initial worldview on education was largely shaped by early experiences, crossing national borders for graduate education in the university and Canada exposed me to new pedagogical landscapes that I found both affirming and alienating.
Multiple plotlines
Sociologist Stephen Harold Riggins of Memorial University said, “the self…is continually negotiating several identities simultaneously.”
Our lives hold an inherent multiplicity of stories composed, lived and narrated along shifting plot lines that unfold through time, within layered relationships and across ever changing landscapes.
These insights raised my awareness about the ongoing negotiation among my multiple identities.
Courage, persistence, wisdom
It was through reflection and resilience that I began to rewrite the story of who I was as a learner, and my experiences, though challenging, became sources of strength and transformation.
My journey is not defined by institutional labels or standardized benchmarks. It is defined by courage, persistence and the wisdom carried in my names, my culture and my relationships. I continued to live by stories of hope, resistance and transformation.
Reflecting on my narrative alongside the experiences of other international students, I have come to understand that genuine inclusion requires an intentional crossing of social, cultural and epistemic borders. It demands that educators and institutions meet students within the context that shapes them. It demands that educators honour their students’ identities and acknowledge their struggles.
Universities must cultivate a climate that not only values difference but also moves beyond rhetorical gestures toward practices that foster belonging and affirm complexity.
To international students negotiating these shifting borders, I urge you to take ownership and reclaim the narrative of your identity.
Olabisi Oyelana does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.
Original source: https://analysis1.mil-osi.com/2026/09/22/the-stories-we-tell-ourselves-shape-who-we-are/